wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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