escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
