How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
