I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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