my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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