Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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