i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
