You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
