omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
