If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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