Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
