Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize