Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Are my feet made of real feet?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
