i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
