The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
