Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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