You're my little dorito
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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