i jhust puked up my retainher.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
