Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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