He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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