i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bring me that man meat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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