I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
