Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
