oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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