Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
