He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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