are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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