I am in a vortex of obligation.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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