my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
