Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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