My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
