My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am available for nakedness
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
