He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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