My liver just broke up with me...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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