her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize