I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
