seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
