bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
