i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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