Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
