ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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