No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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