so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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