I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
