This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
