Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
