i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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