I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
