u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
