Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize