she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
