Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
