My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
