He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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