Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The power of my boobs compel you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
