i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
