dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
