Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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