I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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