Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
