oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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