If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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