we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
