Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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