So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Found the puke drawer
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
