New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
