i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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