Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
