I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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