I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
