OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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