it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
