I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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