I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.