I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?