I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks