It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.