It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
