you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize