Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life