Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..

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(310): View more from California

If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.

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(325): View more from Texas

Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Do what your heart wants. . .

(504): View more from Louisiana

My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

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(440): View more from Ohio

How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?

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(813): View more from Florida

I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.

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