I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.